


the brain to the heart

by kopfkino



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Falling In Love, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Through the Years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-19 08:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8198600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kopfkino/pseuds/kopfkino
Summary: "We could become a partnership."Stevie turns to Xabi before entering the showers. His mouth drops, expecting pretty much anything but this. It's only been his first match back, and he's just getting used to running so long again. His English has a strong Spanish accent to it, but Stevie doesn't mind.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redandgold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redandgold/gifts).



It's been all over the news, the transfer window hasn't stopped talking about it since it has been made official. 

"The fans are going to like him!" He manages to say, after adding he's seen him in the Spanish League and that he's a class act. Truth is: he's young and clever. 

Stevie isn't sure of what to make of the young player from Real Sociedad the moment he catches his eye. Xabier Alonso, young Spanish jewel, was now testing the waters abroad in a new town and league, waiting to impress the world. He had already impressed Steven, having scored that beauty of a free kick in front of their eyes against Fulham. He'd be blind if he couldn't see the amount of talent running in a pair of legs in front of him. 

"We could become a partnership."

Stevie turns to Xabi before entering the showers. His mouth drops, expecting pretty much anything but this. It's only been his first match back, and he's just getting used to running so long again. His English has a strong Spanish accent to it, but Stevie doesn't mind. 

"A partnership?" He replies, mostly for himself. 

Xabi smiles, and nods. "Like-- together. We're --similar but also different. We'll work-- together well. I can be a brain and... you can be the heart! Or I can be a heart, and you--"

It doesn't take long for Stevie to smile back, and to nod. "I'm looking forward to it." He replies, before walking into his destination, a feeling in his stomach settling to a certain unexpected tranquility. A partnership would be nice, he admits to himself.

 

 

Xabi gets injured. His ankle is broken by Lampard's tackle, and with Stevie as captain, he must provide support for his team-mate. It's the first time he drives him home, in a typical english weather day. The soft drops of rain are dripping against the windows of his car, echoing the mood inside. Xabi looks devastated. Steven himself has suffered injuries and knows the impotency of it. 

"So what do you do in your free time besides being so cool?" Steven tries, hoping to take his mind off things. The Spaniard takes a moment to think, and opens his mouth. Yet, he hesitates. 

"I like the rock." 

"Like Rock Music?"

He nods, and mutters something in Spanish far too advanced for Stevie to comprehend. Instead he tries to continue the conversation. "I like animals." Liking is an understatement, as Jamie would point out. Steven Gerrard is utterly obsessed with all kinds of animals. It's his number one weakness. 

"I like to pass time with my dog," Xabi replies, and Stevie smiles at the mental picture of him with a puppy in his arms, but it's interrupted when Xabi continues. "Did I say that right?"  

"Yeah, you did mate, I think you underestimate your English far more than you should." 

But he shakes his head, a grin commencing slowly to draw on his face. Success.

They're in front of his house a bit too fast for Stevie's liking. He thanks him, always so extremely polite. When Steven notices he has a bit of a hard time walking to his doorstep, he automatically gets out of the drivers seat and places a hand on his waist. It's tight enough to keep his foot from touching the ground, but still not tight enough for it to be inappropriate. 

He whimpers a bit, but after a few steps they're both standing in front of his door. It's probably the first time he notices this, but Xabi smells _very_ nice. After letting his grip lose a bit on him enough to get to his keys, the Spaniard turns to him, a small smile in his lips again. 

"Thanks again." 

"Don't mention it. You'll be back before you know it." 

The smile doesn't vanish, and he nods. 

 

 

The first two times happen when they win the Champions League.

If Steven could describe the feeling he gets when the whistle blows, it'd be between of the lines of euphoria, unbelievable, wonderful. The miracle of Istanbul. It's time for them to lift the trophy, and he feels a light tug on his shirt. He turns to Xabi, clearly wanting to stay close to him. The confetti flies. Istanbul is red, as red as his heart. The fans shouting _you'll never walk alone_ as everyone yells with excitement and well deserved emotion. It's while everyone is shouting and yelling that Stevie turns to his right, to find Xabi looking right at him.

Completely taken by the moment with so much energy vibrating from under their feet, he doesn't think. He doesn't know why he decides to lean a bit towards him. Xabi does the same, it's almost hypnotizing. For a moment, there's no one else around them. It's the first time it happens.

The next thing he can register, Xabi has his lips on him, even if it's just for a fracture of a second. Out of surprise, of course, Steven turns around, and continues acting casually. From the corner of his eye, he can see the Spaniard blushing and licking his lips. What just happened?

The don't talk about it on the pitch, they don't talk about it in the lockers, or even on the bus back to the hotel. Steven still isn't sure of what happened. He was so taken by the moment, it was a simple impulse. A voice in his head betrays him:  _yet it had happened._

Afterwords at the party, some players are drunk. They're jumping around everyone thanking them for their efforts. Jamie finds Stevie, and starts asking about Xabi. "You two managed to be together with such little playing time together! You're amazing guys. What's the secret of your special connection?"

Steven almost spits out his drink, a faint memory of what happened earlier playing over and over in his head. He gives Carra a punch on the shoulder, the Englishman understanding his place is no longer here. 

It's that exact moment when Xabi shows up next to him, a beer in his hand and a bit tipsy. "Want some?" He lazily asks, a small smile on his face.

"Thanks." Steven accepts, and drinks a zip. The lights have changed, and there's a purple tint to their skins, caused by the party illumination. He tries to ignore how incredibly handsome Xabi looks right now. Is it the alcohol speaking? He hasn't even had that much to drink, but it must be, though Steven has to admit Xabi Alonso is a very good looking man.

It's as if Xabi had been reading his mind, because he grabs his beer back. His hand grips his arm, and drags him a few steps back away from the team's attention. 

"About the kiss earlier--" Stevie starts, knowing he has to give some sort of explanation to the man in front of him. "..." To his surprise, he's shushed, Xabi shakes his head. 

"You don't have to say anything." He shrugs, and something about earlier comes back to him. He feels pulled to Xabi as if he was hypnotizing him again. He tentatively takes the beer from his hand and places it on the table. His feet take a step closer the the Spaniard. 

"I guess I don't."

It's the second time that it happens. 

 

 

Alonso and Gerrard. It has a nice ring to it, Stevie thinks. Their original partnership has only grown stronger and stronger these past years. They're supposed to do wonders side by side, brain and heart together, find a way to solve problems. He wonders if that's the reason it hurts so much when Filippo Inzaghi scores twice in front of their eyes. Their hopes of lifting the trophy this time in Greece dies a little bit further each passing minute. 

Revenge is a dish served cold, but this one feels like destruction, pain and hurt. 

After the final whistle, and Milan celebrating, Steven wanders without any real direction. He spots Xabi on the ground and would give anything in the world to find his arms. Being the captain of a team seems to him like one of the hardest jobs in the world right now. 

He stands firm, to the fans, thanking them for their support. Today the heart wasn't enough, even with the brain at his side.

 

Xabi finds him later in his room, and they don't have to say a word before they're in each others arms, finding the so needed comfort between them.

 

 

Devastation.

There is no other word to describe the feeling Stevie feels when Xabi calls him to let him know. It's going to be announced in a couple of days, Real Madrid is a great club, he knows that. But he's angry, so angry at the situation, at Benitez. He hates that he's angry at Xabi when it's not even his fault. 

How is a heart supposed to go on without its brain? Does Xabi realize how far this goes? It's the first time in a long time Steven feels scared. He's ashamed, he should have worried more. He's the captain of Liverpool, and yet he still didn't do more. He hadn't worried so much about the possibility that is now a reality.

He's losing Xabi.

 

"I know that when, eventually, I return to Spain it will be with Liverpool in my blood and as an out-and-out Reds fan. I've got Anfield in my blood and hopefully it will have me for a long time to come."

Stevie turns off the TV. Xabi lets out a deep sigh. "Things don't have to change--" He starts, but Stevie shakes his head and interrupts him.

"Things have already changed. You're leaving, that's the end of the story. You're leaving Liverpool, England, your teammates, you're leaving the late home drives, the training sessions, the airplane jet lags, the morning kisses,"

He stands up.

"The walking our pets weekends, the Tuesday coffee day downtown because you don't like the one closer to you, you're leaving--" He stops, as if some force had suddenly gripped the final word from his mouth. 

Xabi looks up to him. "I'm leaving-- you."

There's a silence, a cold one between them, and a part of him wonders what Xabi could possibly say beyond this point. He feels another stab in his heart, when he figures that there's nothing to be done. 

"I--I'm sorry." He settles, and sits back down on his seat. His face travels through his fingers, letting it rest there for a while. He feels helpless, desperately trying to hold on something that's slipping right through his fingers. Instead, Xabi wraps his arms around his waist and whispers something in Spanish.

"What was that?" Stevie asks, with a whisper. 

"I love you," Xabi repeats in English, against his back, and it's enough for Steven to turn around a kiss him straight on the mouth, his heart aching and watching the hurt in his heart settle to an unquiet fire.

 

 

He sees him everywhere. It's not just in the Tuesday downtown coffee shop. He's in the way Jamie kicks the ball, in the way he wakes up alone. The ghost of his old house. He's everywhere he goes and doesn't leave him even in his dreams.

Xabi is doing amazingly at Real Madrid. It's not long before Stevie has to make a statement about it. 

" _He’s a player who I used to love playing with. A player who was on the same wavelength if you like. He knew exactly where I was and I knew where he was and we had a fantastic understanding.”_  

But there was nothing he could have done about it. Xabi had stated a long time ago his wants. Another chapter in his career and now, finally, he had it. Not even his teams or the coaches could stand in his way. Xabi had grown up during all the time he had been at Stevie's side. The small Real Sociedad boy had now matured into a man. He had earned respect from most, and had grown wings to fly.

What was beating Stevie most now was the fact that he had flown away from him. 

"I miss him." He managed to tell Jamie, 

"We all do," His friend had replied, knowing exactly who he was talking about. 

They both watch Alberto Aquiline take a few runs and Stevie shakes his head. It's not the same. "He's never going to fill in his shoes. He was such a top player." 

Jamie doesn't say anything, instead, he gives him a friendly pat and leaves. The heart longs for his brain, and his eyes turn to the sky, wondering what is happening at the Bernabeu at this very moment.

 

 

It gets better in time. Xabi wins the world cup, the euro again, and he's everywhere. Stevie couldn't be more proud. Xabi visits him from time to time claiming Liverpool is his home. He's never been to Madrid, as much as he's insisted. Stevie just can't bring himself to go. 

"You'd love it." Xabi tries, once more. The weather is sunny as they're on Stevie's deck. He smiles. "Maybe."

It's enough for him, and the Spaniard wraps his arms around Stevie from behind. He lets his lips drop to his neck.

"Do you ever think about Istanbul? Everything seemed so cheerful and simple back then." 

Xabi stops, and lets his head rest. "You mean more than now?" There's an agreement from the other side, so Xabi continues. "I'm pretty happy now." 

"Yeah-- well me too, but I mean, if you had stayed--"

Stevie turns to Xabi, who's now looking at him with his usually deep brown eyes. He tries to continue, even if he doesn't really want to. "If we hadn't been separated--" 

"We were never separated." Xabi interrupts him, still serious. Stevie's eyes narrow, clearly not following him. He breaks into a little smile, and adds "You can't separate a brain from it's heart." 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you like this!! :)


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